Postwar Drabble
by pewp
Summary: My best attempt at a well written one shot get together between Duo and Heero. 1x2


The war has ended. I am vacant.

The feeling of redundancy steadily eats away at my soul. I must cope with a repugnant state of mind, the aftermath of my previous importance. _Your life is as insignificant as a grain of sand. There is no one to apprehend your existence._ God is malicious.

My sanity had provisionally endured the abrupt lack of context, pitifully leeching off the notion that my actions during the war deemed me a being predominantly deserving of life. I'd truly believed I was a savior.

But now...my might quavers under the weight of liability. To thousands of lives, thousands of deaths, thousands and thousands of bloody corpses strewn across countless battlefields. It is a hopeless debt, one I cannot repay. With misplaced dignity, I'd blindly followed my objective, leaving the gruesome artifact of human malice, innumerable, hideously mangled cadavers trailing in my wake, rotting miserably in the shadow of my self-fabricated rectitude. I am truly a god of death.

How long will this 'peace' last, do they imagine? The recent years have fully elaborated the reality of the situation. It is false. Peace cannot be achieved. Mankind is hopeless, utterly twisted beyond renovation. I must doubt that the natural murderous instinct of the human race has been undyingly subdued. How audacious of them to think they have succeeded. To think they can put an end to murder by means of murder. How audacious of me.

With limited opportunity presenting itself, I find myself residing on Colony L2. Hilde had beckoned me to stay with her on earth before my mentality began its inevitable collapse. I had declined. It causes a dull ache in my chest to reminisce of my belief in an ideal opportunity to live my own life waiting patiently for me after the dark era of bloodshed.

Perhaps acceptance would have been the superior decision. I now long for recognition.

My general discomposure is steadily increasing.

I left the house today. I'd eased my way along the shadows, but people are inevitable. I gagged as the hideous stench of mankind pitilessly assaulted my senses. None of them know. Their obliviousness sickens me.

I purchased groceries.

There was a figure perched on my doorstep upon my return. I ducked into the shadows and pressed my back against the brick wall of the adjacent building, peering vigilantly around the corner at my intruder. Paranoia gripped me. Just who had found me? I'd deplorably distanced myself from everyone, without exception.

His figure was engulfed from head to toe in dark attire, a sign I'd been prone to believe precarious. I was frenetically indecisive as to what my next move would be. I so dreaded the obligation of human association.

My musings were suddenly interrupted.

"I'm not here to kill you."

That voice was familiar. No. Unmistakable. I instantaneously emerged from the shadows and approached the figure adorning the steps to my front door with rigid composure.

"No? You disappoint me."

He had yet to rise. He peered up at me eerily. My mind had begun reeling with perplexity. I'd wondered if I was aggravated or delighted with familiarity. But his face invoked the assault of horrifying memories, and the experience was acidic.

I stepped over the heap of his body and went directly to the door. I heard him rise as I fumbled with the lock. When I entered, he followed.

I initially thought it impudent, for him to dare impose upon me in my currently ordained misery. He was yet further reminder of the irrevocable damage of my existence. I'd left him, to retrieve two glasses of scotch from my miniature, sore excuse for a kitchen. I never cooked anyway. I handed him a glass. He'd peered at me, with stomach wrenching incredulity.

"I don't drink."

"Shut up," I spat. I collapsed onto the brown, moth eaten couch, my weight causing it to sigh with me in unison. I had not the civilization to be embarrassed about the state of my proclaimed home. Heero sat beside me, for lack of anyplace else, and obediently sipped at his drink. He grimaced distastefully at me, and I glared back.

"What are you doing here?"

I wouldn't ask how he'd found me. It was irrelevant information at this point. I was to deliberate now on being exempt of him.

"I don't know."

I could only stare. No words came to mind at first. It had been long since I'd engaged in conversation, and I'd wanted it to be even longer. I was furious with the nagging curiosity, and promptly denied it.

"Gah, Jesus. I suppose I have enough problems to hardly notice the addition of yet another."

I sighed and swallowed the remaining contents of my glass in a single burning gulp.

"You are cold.."

"Heero." His pitiful statement provoked in me a derisive chuckle. "Why are you still here?" He exposed no emotion. I glared into that proverbial stoic expression with unreserved detestation.

"I'm leaving."

"Fantastic."

He stood and waited, as if he expected me to see him to the door, but when I rose, my destination was the kitchen. When I emerged with my glass replenished, he was gone. I'd wanted to feel relieved. But I only felt what I'd dreaded so defiantly the moment I had realized his identity on my doorstep. I felt devastating loneliness.

He came again. Late last night. I was drunk.

"Do you always drink?"

I wouldn't answer. I'd had enough of words as of late.

"Duo..." He sat across from me. "You are hard on yourself."

"Is that so."

"We have made no errors of intention. You who suffers for the sake of others should not be suffering. Iniquity is guiltless." He poured himself a drink. Perhaps to gratify me.

"We've turned out to be the incarnation of iniquity, with or without guilt. What about you? How do you feel?" I'd actually wanted to know. I wondered of his remorse, if such a concept even existed within him.

"I..." He hesitated, peered up at me diffidently. "I want to forget. Everything. My personal will to survive remains, after all. I want to leave my life behind, and begin again. Attempt a more selfish existence.."

His innocence was implausible.

I felt drunk. I leaned against him, resting my forehead on his shoulder. It felt as though, for a brief moment, the weight of the world was lifted from my shoulders.

I awoke feeling nauseous and aggravated. I found myself in my bed, without any recollection as to how I'd arrived there.

The first thing I saw when exiting the bedroom was Heero. Pacing frantically, running a trembling hand through his unruly hair.

"What happened?"

He gazed at me painfully before finally settling on the couch.

"You haven't changed you know. All despite the desolation. You're just the same."

"Um..."

"I do know why I'm here."

"..."

"Would you like me to tell you?"

He'd obviously wanted to. I suddenly experienced a sickening feeling in the pit of my stomach. I suddenly didn't want to know. I didn't want to hear it. I somehow sensed my impending doom.

"No.."

"I love you."

"Stop.."

"I've always loved you. I can't tolerate being away from you, as hard as I try. I..."

"I said stop it! Shut up!"

I clutched my ears, desperately trying to block him out. Was this his idea of a selfish existence? Why now? Why this way? I felt as though it were the last thing I deserved, and the last thing I were capable of managing. The irony was suffocating.

"Duo.."

He stood and reached out toward me. I retreated.

"You once told me you loved me."

"And you! You didn't have the decency to say a word about it! Then, nor ever. I'd often wondered if I had imagined it all! I was too terrified to beg for the response I'd craved so badly, whether it be the one I'd wanted or not.."

"I'm sorry...Duo.."

He embraced me. I'd wanted to pull back, to run, but I'd ended up clinging to him desperately, as if I were about to plummet to my death.

"I won't make any excuses for back then... but I felt I had to tell you. It's selfish, I know. And I'm selfishly seeking the response I'd never given you.. If you can bear to take pity on a hopeless, lovesick fool, then please... tell me how you feel about me..."

I shed pitiful tears entirely against my own will. He cupped my face in his hands and smudged the tears from my cheeks. I replied purely on impulse.

"I love you, you stupid fucking bastard.."

He smiled serenely.

"Duo.. I promise you, I will make you happy.." he whispered.

And then he kissed me.


End file.
